Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Hell Hath No Fury....

like Helen Mirren scorned. Watched The Cook The Thief His Wife and Her Lover on video, given to me by one of my friends. Abit of a shocker to say the least. To do it some justice heres the bit from the back:

"The thief, Michael Gambon is a London gangleader, who, every night takes his brow beaten wife, Helen Mirren, and his low life cohorts to eat in the same sumptous restaurant run be the cook, Richard Bohringer. One evenning Miss Mirren catches the eye of a fellow diner (the lover) Alan Howard, and immediately gripped by mutual passion, before you know it they are recklessly entwined in the ladies loo. From then on similar illicit coupling takes place every night, not only in the loo, but also in variuos parts of the kitchen where the lovers are tolerantly observed by Monsieur Bohringer who loathes and despises the cockolded husband. Inevitably, Mr Gambon discovers what is going on and plans an appaling revenge, which, in turn, leads to even more dreadfull counter revenge."

Sex, Murder, Cannibalism and high fashion... its all three and more.
Steve Grant-Time Out
Outrageous.
Shaun Usher- Daily Mail
Many people will be profoundly offended by this film... the most startling depiction of cruelty and sadism for many years.
John Mount- Empire
....a virtouso performance by Michael Gambon as one of the most monstrous villains the cinema has ever created. His sadism and cruelty are boundless. No violence, physical or verbal, is to foul for him to perpetrate. You watch the film open mouthed.
Barry Norman-Film '89

Revenge in this case is a dish best served hot.

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

euphemism

1 an offensive word or phrase substituted for one considered to be less offensive or hurtful, especially one concerned with religion, sex, death, or excreta.
Examples of euphemisms are: sleep with for have sexual intercourse with; departed for dead; relieve oneself for urinate.
2 the use of such inoffensive words or phrases.
-euphemistic adj
-euphemistically

euphemise - to speak in euphemisms or refer to be use of a euphemism
-euphemiser noun

Monday, April 28, 2003

Still Game

Classic comedy from the makers of Chewin The Fat......

"You cannae judge a book by its cover."
"Unless its a scuddy mag."
"Aye, good old scuddy mags."




Sunday, April 27, 2003

Scottish Blogs

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Scottish Blogs
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To mark the first month anniversary of my web log I have joined two blog type directory listings; Scottish Blogs and Globe of Blogs. This is mainly to increase the traffic to my website from three (me, my girlfriend and my brother) to four (the three allready mentioned and yourself).
Critical

The harshest critic you will ever have to face is yourself.
Although yer mates can dig the boot in aswell. Hee Hee.


Saturday, April 26, 2003

Dead Quiet

From having spent seven years studying in various libraries I have drawn the morbid conclusion that said premises are somewhat reminiscent of cemeteries. If every book in a library represents a person then you have a remarkably large collection of lives. And the larger and older the library, GULIS for example is twelve/thirteen stories, the more lives are represented. Now, it is also probable that more books have been written outwith your life time, therefore those books represented people that have allready lived and died. If every book in a library represents a dead person then you are surrounded by many corpses. Both libraries and cemeteries are places that share certain characteristics: both are devoid of laughter and hilarity, people are often subdued and in thought. Both are very quiet sombre places. Grave diggers and librarians even share similar jobs, both are occupied with the storage of the sum of peoples lives. Tombstone inscriptions and book titles, persons name, date, epitath: author, titles, synopsis... Books even used to be called tombes.
Convinced yet?
Iam the Boss

Iam the Boss
Iam the Boss
Iam the Boss
Iam the Boss
Iam the Boss

And thats a fact. Check the internet.

Friday, April 25, 2003

Obliterate Those Food Particles

Since being given a New York Smoothie maker for my Christmas (you know who you are) I have spent numerous early mornings trying out different combinations trying to find the perfect smoothie. Untill this morning that is.

Simple Smoothie
One banana
Handful of Strawberrys
Half Tea spoon of honey
Pint Of cold milk
Put in your blender and destroy........

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

Eccose Noveau Cuisine

On the hot plate at the local chippie last night surrounded by reformed king ribs and deep fried pizzas sat three proud examples of new Scottish scran. Sticking out the first one was small illuminous star of orange grease soaked paper scrawled in ink advertising 'DEEP FRIED BAKED TATTIE ONLY 50p.'
I allmost bought all three there and then to go wi ma six pickles.
New Template

Due to a problem with the paradexicimal horizontal atrium that was causing internet fluxtations in the GMC flux capacitator my wee site has been improved with a face lift. Its not much but its home to my grey matter.
Easter Weekend

Well that was Easter, back to the grind stone today. Me and Laura sat up with Nicky last night and had pizza and fish and chips and laughed at the stripette for being so hungover. Ha Ha. So bad that we even bought her grapes in the afternoon. Watched Leon, good film, then The Phantom, very bad film. So bad infact that it gets a mention here. Dear, oh dear Billy Zane and Catherine Zeta Jones, what were you thinking. A laughably shoddy script, a barely plausable plot concerning four skulls of mystical powers and Billy Zane in a purple suit. Sheer Quality Entertainment. Some what comparable to Daredevil, perhaps one of the worst films I have had the missfortune to have seen at the cinema. Although Gangs of New York was perhaps worse.
Now, back to work. Back to reality.

Monday, April 21, 2003

Me and Ron

You know that Kevin Bacon thing when you can link anyone in any film to Kevin Bacon in five moves. Well, hows this for an obscure link to some seriously dodgy person. My brothers mates girlfriend is pictured here with ron jeremy, world infamous porn star.....
Hows that for a five degrees of separation claim to fame.

Sunday, April 20, 2003

Three Shandys Barman

I have been studying all day and its now time to clean my linen and grab some women. Were away out for a few beers in town, hmmmm stella artois.
Decide Now!

Should you stop making decisions if every decision you have made so far has proved to be wrong?


Thursday, April 17, 2003

Raging Bike

Went out on my mountain bike last night for a bit of down hill off road action. Cycled up one of the Pentland hills just outside Edinburgh, about one hour and fiftteen minutes up and twenty minutes for the return down hill journey. I might have to go and buy a helmet as I nearly fell off doing about 30 kph as I somehow managed to kick the chain off when pedalling. And nearly squashed a small Yorkshire Terrier.

Raging Bike Vs Glentress?

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Fatal Exception

To err is human, to realy fuck up try programming.


Small Word, Big Possibilities

IF.


Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Adaption

You can write adopt and adoption. You get adapt, adapted, adaptive. Yet you mis-spell adaption. Its adaptation.
Where's the sense in that?


Brixton Population Menaced By Sudden Scottish Invasion

What a mad weekend. Out on the lash as soon as we met the troops on Friday night in a pub called the Living Room in Brixton. Somewhat reminiscent of the days spent in the similarly named establishment on Byres Road in Glasgow. Large amounts of buckfast consumed post pub on what murray had foreseen as "a quite night in." Spent the next day hungover in Brixton, watched half the Newcastle United game before giving up and heading back to the flat for a bbq. Massive house party on on saturday night with all and sundry present. Sunday went to Camden Market and then went drinking in Soho at night. Boss George from work ran the London Marathon in 3 hours 36 minutes. Monday went on the London Eye, it was good, maybe not as good as I had expected but cool none-the-less. Sightseeing around Westminster/Leicester Square. Shopping in Covent Garden, where Ally spent loads of money in the Carhart Shop. And I spent a small fortune shopping for clothes in Bond Street and Regents Street before dinner on Oxford Street. All in all a class weekend.
The baylifs will be round tomorrow though to reposses all my furniture as I wiped out the contents of my bank balance.


Friday, April 11, 2003

Scottish Forces Amass South of Border

Flying down to London this weekend as three of my friends celebrate their joint twenty fifth birthdays in Brixton. Its going to be fun, hee hee. So happy birthday Colin, Murray and Lucy. This will have to do cos you aint gettin no card. I have always wanted to go on the London Eye, so will try to fit that into the weekend between hangovers. Watched a program about the the building of the wheel on the river Thames. They constructed the whole wheel on its side in the middle of the river on platforms and barges then hoisted the entire thing upright and into place in one afternoon. Pretty impressive.


Thursday, April 10, 2003

Massive Attack

I went to see Massive Attack last night at the new Carling Academy in Glasgow. Apart from some initial trouble with the bouncers on the way in concerning my personal mini disc player, it was an amazing night. My ears are still ringing. The back of the stage was a 20 x 40 foot screen, somewhat similar to the kind you get in train stations but more digital. The visualizations on the screen were quality, it started like the film The Matrix where numbers scroll up the screen, binary and ASCII code and the like, then patterns started to form from the data. It was really simple but effective as hell. Massive Attack were out in force and there new album 100th window definetely needs to be bought. Sinead O'Connor guested on two or three of the tracks (to the crowd chanting "Sinead on the stage" (better in a west coast drawl)), as did Tricky. Two encores later and it was one of the best gigs i havce been to recently. Even caught the last tube home before the drive from glesgae tae embra.
Fell into the same trap today as yesterday when i went for a coffee, those tea ladies must think iam ancient.


Wednesday, April 09, 2003

One Foot in the Grave

Went for a mid-morning cup of industrial strength coffee today to keep me awake when studying, and to get out of the library. The wee tea lady women at the counter asked me if i was "Staff or student?" Must be getting old if I no longer look like everyone else here. The worst thing though, was that I indignantly replied "student". Only to be charged full price for my cuppa.


Saturday, April 05, 2003

The Power Of Blogger

Imagine your thought is somewhat similar to a rugby ball, blogger sort of allows you to convert this ball into the stadium. Blogger sort of allows you to publish an idea and make that accessible to millions, you could potentially have a bigger circulation than most newspapers. Think of all those people reading your thoughts,whole cities, entire countries, populations..... Or in my case just the one.